1. The Cream of Sum Yung Gai.
It was an act that surmised her character, killed a baby, ripped a family to shreds, and ground a fortune to dust.
How did I let things get so dysfunctional? When did I lose my balls?
What is your biggest fear in a relationship? Death, infidelity, child abuse, slander, embezzlement, drug addiction, weight gain? This story will drag you through all of that and then some.
Let's start with infidelity, what would be the worst way to find out?
A car door closed, jolting me awake, 2:14am. Then the front door slammed. The clumsy clip-clop of worn heels denting the polished Malibu hardwood floor grated me, each step cutting into the rental bond. Why the fuck didn’t she take them off?! She was drunk - completely wasted.
So much for the promise to be healthy and spend time at home with the family. We were trying to get pregnant - she wanted another baby. A slurred “darling” echoed into the bedroom, I cringed as the wine and cigarette stench drew near. I prayed she wouldn't wake the kids, feigning sleep like a coward… She wanted sex; I didn’t. I was repulsed by her drunkenness, the rude awakening, and the empty promises. Not to mention the marriage issues we were already facing.
But, her persistence and tenacity were about the only admirable traits I could even pretend to respect, and what else was a trophy husband for? I knew making her cum was the quickest way to shut her up and get her to sleep, so I decided to go down there and get the job done. After 14 years together, I had it down to a science - 41 seconds tops. I took a deep breath and sighed…
Ahh Jesus, did you shower today? I thought, hmm that's a weird salty metallic taste, why is my tongue going numb and tingly? Hold on, WTF. I got my iPhone torch to confirm. Yep, there it was, semen. Another man's semen, oozing out, like puss from a stagnant wound.
I asked her, she didn't even flinch “It didn't mean anything, he didn't even satisfy me” she spat out, like it was nothing. “Who?” I asked. “Bryan from work,” she said. “The 23 year old little asian dude you just hired, the kid?” “Yep” Not a shred of remorse. I was dumbfounded, I knew our marriage was going through rough patch, but fuck. It was only 6 weeks ago we had uprooted everything and moved to California, for her goddamn business.
I scuttled into the bathroom and looked at the deadbeat in the mirror, I was in shock. A wave of betrayal crashed over me. She hadn't just cheated, she put our entire family and future at risk. And for what? I rinsed my mouth of the last traces of humiliation and thought; was that my first gay experience?
She stumbled into the bathroom, completely unbothered, still muttering it didn't mean anything. “Why do this to our marriage? Why do this to this young employee's life? To the business”” WTF.
“It's your fault” she snarled. ”You wont give me another baby”
What? “I just agreed we could start trying in marriage counselling last week!”
“You dont mean it” She tried to fake sadness… but this was a massive, overpriced multi-section Malibu bathroom with mirrors everywhere. She thought I couldn't see her, but through a double reflection I caught it - an evil smile I'll never forget, a twisted grin that ran down my spine. She was enjoying this. Her voice was laced with fake anguish, but the look on her expression screamed Machiavellian glee. Was this some kind of twisted game to her?
The next morning she got up for work as if nothing had happened, i’d been up since 5am wrangling our three kids 3,4,8. I gave the kids a cartoon and insisted on a conversation in the bedroom.
“It’s all your fault - you wont give me another baby” she yelled.
“Plus, it was nothing, it meant nothing, can we just move on please, I’m getting picked for work in five minutes”.
By who? Bryan from work” I half-joked.
“Yes, actually”
Right on time this little prick pulls up my driveway to pick up his boss for work. Struggling to maintain my composure, I waved out the window Forrest Gump-style as they left the property to spend the day together. What a start to the American dream.
We had just burnt through 18 months of marriage counselling, and individual therapy with the same shrink. He knew us better than we knew ourselves. 7 weeks ago, right before we left the country - during my last one-on-one session, he hit me with it. My wife; has a personality disorder. Incapable of change, risk averse, a ticking time bomb. He told me not to go to America - instead, I should get a lawyer to protect the kids. I didn't really believe him, or maybe I just didn't want to. In hindsight - deep down I knew he was right, but at the time I chose to ignore the best advice that had ever been given to me. But now, 7 weeks on I was thinking maybe that bastard was right.
What the fuck even is a personality disorder. I think i'll give him a call…